Why The Most Obedient Children Can Be The Most Unhappy
Being able to explore freely will keep the children’s spirits happy. The problem is that sometimes, in order to venture out, you have to disobey a little bit. And it’s not wrong for them to do it from time to time. Remember that sometimes the most obedient children can be the most unhappy.
No parent wants their children to be unhappy. However, all parents want their children to be obedient. And both things can be possible, because obedience has nothing to do with authoritarianism. Thus, it is possible to be obedient and, at the same time, free and happy. The goal is to make your child learn to be obedient because he wants to and not because he is afraid.
It is not always good for children to obey blindly, especially when that obedience is a result of submission. Obedience has nothing to do with submission. Those who are used to deciding and acting with freedom, those who can give their opinion on what they are told to do without this being a punishment, and those who have learned that they can also say they don’t know that well.
When parents confuse submission with obedience, they ignore that a submissive child can obey an order without complaining because he is afraid to face the consequences of disobeying. Not because you really want to do what your parents asked.
obedient but unhappy
This attitude may be the result of a upbringing in which fear is stimulated in the child. In other words, a creation marked by little respect for the little ones since they are practically not invited to participate or give their opinion about what happens in the house. In this type of creation, it is also not customary to explain why the rules are established at home.
When a child is obedient in front of his parents, but as soon as they turn his back he disobeys them, that child has learned to obey with threats, not because he understands the reasons why it is necessary to obey his parents’ orders. Even if children obey in this way, they are often unhappy.
The parenting style you choose can make your children obedient because they want to obey, not because they feel threatened. And to move in that direction, it is necessary to identify that there are different types of obedience. There is the one that comes from respect – and the autonomy provided by free judgment – and the one that originates from the fear of the consequences of disobeying one’s parents, society, etc. A child who acts scared is simply unhappy.
obedient out of fear
It has been proven that children who learn to obey limits out of fear of punishment or who stick to the rules just thinking about getting a good reward are not, at bottom, free children. His actions are not the result of his own discernment.
When a child learns to obey a person who threatens him, this results in an impairment of the quality of the relationships he establishes. This is because she will only react to this type of behavior. In other words, it won’t obey people who don’t threaten it. Imagine, then, the kinds of relationships this child will establish as an adult.
Furthermore, this type of creation will teach that, in the world, there are oppressors and the oppressed. Most likely, the child will feel that it is better to play the role of the oppressor than the oppressed.
There are also cases of children who obey because of the fear they constantly feel of being reprimanded, punished or even physically punished. Certainly they are very obedient. But their personalities are withdrawn, nervous or fearful. Generally, these types of behaviors lead to problems of low self-esteem and lack of control over emotions.
Definitely, children who learn to obey out of fear are not healthy. Fear prunes the desire to experiment, to make mistakes, to research and to venture out. Thus, it is likely that the child will never try to “break the rules”, which limits his growth as a person.
Obedient by Choice
Freedom and respect are living sources of happiness. And these values can contribute to your child’s education. He must learn that obedience is often much more beneficial to him than to his parents or guardians. This understanding, in turn, is achieved when your child understands the reasons for the rules.
When a child learns to consciously understand that obeying certain rules benefits his growth and well-being as a person, then he begins to respect the rules wherever he is. This behavior also leads her to respect all people equally, no matter if it is the parents, grandparents, teachers or a stranger.
Thus, the child exercises the freedom to decide and to learn to differentiate what is good for him and what is not. Based on this, choosing to obey or not will always make your child a curious child, motivated and eager to learn new things, but also cautious and aware.
