How Do Men Experience Miscarriages?
Going through a miscarriage is an extremely painful process for a couple. After all, the yearnings to form a family are abruptly interrupted. While at a time like this, attention is often focused on mothers, the way men experience miscarriages is a matter for consideration.
Naturally, the woman who has suffered such a problem receives special attention. She often experiences a mixture of feelings of loss, guilt, denial and deep sadness and deserves special support.
However, we must not forget that there is another party involved, which also suffers a lot. It is the father figure, who, despite not having suffered the physical symptoms of the fetus’s death, can also be profoundly affected by an event like this.
The couple in cases of spontaneous abortions
First, let’s look at how a couple who are going through a difficult time like this might feel and what they can do to overcome it. Of course, the couple’s main need is to support themselves, because both will need attention.
Each person’s personality can vary greatly. Therefore, the feelings in each member of a couple can be different and, consequently, will require different recovery times.
Therefore, it is not advisable to rush any decision or skip steps. It is necessary to leave the space and time that the other needs, without ceasing to support when necessary.
At that point there may be conflicts and this is understandable. The stress experienced is enormous, both physically and mentally. In addition, there is the fact of having to return to everyday life, work, social life and also the intimacy of the couple, which can cause conflicts.
As the saying goes, time puts everything in its place . The important thing is to understand that the other also deserves time to deal with this phase. Thus, it is essential to respect. It is not possible to compare or measure the reaction of each one, as everything depends on the personality.
How do men experience miscarriages?
Although the father does not have a physical bond with the baby until birth, he can be very affected by the loss after an abortion. In the months of pregnancy, he also forms a very strong bond with the little one who is coming. Like a mother, a man can experience the following feelings during grief:
- Anguish: Of course, like all losses, a miscarriage creates a lot of anguish in the mother and father.
- Insecurity: this is a moment that, in addition to being very difficult, may have consequences in the future. It is possible that the father has doubts about the couple’s responsibilities for the child’s death. In addition, you may be suspicious of your ability to have a successful pregnancy in the future.
- Impotence: During pregnancy, a man may have felt left out. Thus, he may feel unable to react to this event or even feel unable to provide a successful pregnancy in the future.
Is it better to express yourself or remain silent?
In order not to further upset the woman and want to support her, many men decide to be strong and keep their feelings of pain hidden.
However, this is not advisable. Emotions as intense as those that characterize grief after a miscarriage cannot be repressed. At some point they will be externalized, positively or negatively.
While this does not happen in the short term, repressed feelings seriously threaten emotional and often physical stability as well. There is nothing wrong with a man’s exposing his pain. In fact, it’s the best thing to do.
In any case, if you feel that the woman is not in a position to offer support because she is also carrying her own grief, you can turn to relatives or close friends. It’s always good to trust loved ones.
How to overcome this pain?
Clearly, there is no magic recipe for grieving, much less when it occurs after a miscarriage, as it is completely unexpected. However, it is possible to offer some advice, at least to keep in mind if that moment unfortunately comes.
A good measure is to postpone important decisions and regain stability. There is no need to decide now what to do with the things that have been purchased, with the baby’s room, or even considering a new pregnancy.
There is nothing better than trying to maintain good communication, both between the couple and with the outside world. Don’t hide what happened, although it’s a good idea to reserve it for people you trust.
It is also necessary to remember that there is a figure of special importance: the doctor. Talking to him will help to get through this painful moment. He knows these situations and can offer valuable lessons about this very difficult process.
