7 Things You Should Never Tell Someone Who Has Miscarried

A miscarriage can be a very painful topic to talk about, and also to acknowledge the loss. However, it is better to talk about it than to ignore it, because that way the person is able to accept what happened and be able to move on. But this is not as easy as it sounds, and even less so for the mother who has suffered such a sudden and painful loss. A miscarriage is painful and if you know someone who has had it, you should know some things that it is better not to tell someone who has been through a situation like this.

7 things you shouldn’t say to someone who has had a miscarriage

1. It was just a fetus, not a real baby

For many women, bonding with their baby starts from the moment they know they are pregnant. Besides, in case the woman got pregnant a few weeks ago, the baby was real and in her heart, plans and dreams began to be made, a family, and a totally different life. No matter how advanced the pregnancy was, for a woman who had a miscarriage, it was her baby.

2. At least it didn’t happen at an advanced stage of pregnancy

It is true that the more advanced the pregnancy, the greater the complications, if the baby is lost. However, this does not lessen the pain of losing a baby. The idea that a woman who has a miscarriage during the first three months is “normal” and not pitying is quite wrong. Physical and emotional pain is very real, even if this situation happens in the early stages of pregnancy.

3. If you lost the baby, it’s because it wasn’t meant to be born

When listening to this phrase during the period when the pain of a loss is felt, the painful feelings experienced by the person can become even more aggravated. Perhaps, the person who hears these words may take it as if you are saying that they are not destined to be a father or a mother because they have lost the baby. She may even accept the importance of fate in her life, but it is better not to utter those words in front of someone who has had a miscarriage.

4. At least you know you can get pregnant again

There are a lot of women in the world who struggle to get pregnant, this struggle is accompanied by pain and shame every month that they can’t. Getting pregnant is the first step towards motherhood, and a woman who has had a miscarriage also feels that she is being deprived of the right and the possibility of becoming pregnant, having thought that, yes, it was possible for her to do so.

5.Don’t feel bad, it’s something that happens often

For many women who have had a miscarriage, and who need words of comfort and support, this phrase can be really cruel. It is true that abortion spontaneous is quite common, especially in the first three months of pregnancy, but this did not detract from the woman who suffered this miscarriage the need to receive support, compassion and, moreover, to be respected phase of perinatal pain, which accompanies any type of loss.

6.Soon, you’ll be fine

For some women the period of pain after a miscarriage is very short, and this is not a bad thing, each woman has her own pain phase and this must be respected. However, for other women the pain can last a long time and can be quite difficult due to several factors: like when they are told they will be fine in a short time, when obviously things don’t work that way.

Also, it can be very painful to tell a woman who has had a miscarriage to see her doctor or psychologist. It’s a pain, and it’s up to the woman to decide whether or not to take that step and when to take it. The physical side effects of a miscarriage can last for several weeks and more time may be needed to work through the emotional aspects of the lived loss.

7. You should be grateful for what you already have

When someone feels bad, we know that saying she’s going to get over this situation doesn’t do any good, saying that can even make the situation worse. It is neither ethical nor moral. This phrase is often said to women who have adult children and are in the period of perinatal pain due to a miscarriage.

Even if they already have children, the loss generates the same feeling, no matter what children they have, and it  is perfectly normal to cry after suffering a miscarriage.