Educating As A Couple
Faced with a task as complex, arduous and extensive as the education of children, it is more than clear that the union between parents is an essential aspect. Educating as a couple requires a bit of organization and possibly creates disagreement, but it also multiplies the results.
It may be that, when planning the conception of children, the idea of designing and agreeing on educational methods seems too simple. This is often seen as requiring only a few minutes of conversation.
However, the harsh reality ends up teaching first-time parents a lesson. This issue leads to arguments, frustration and even marital problems. Raising as a couple is not just a convenient tactic for parents and children, but a challenge and responsibility for elders.
Tips for educating as a couple
With the suggestions below, both parents will have more tools to accomplish the difficult mission of educating as a couple:
1. Define rules and apply them in the same way
If a child notices disagreements between the parents, it will certainly take him little time to take advantage of it. This is a situation that occurs very often. For example, when one parent gives permission to do something the other has forbidden.
At that moment, the child notices a craving and knows that he can take advantage of this situation, both then and in the future. Furthermore, discrepancies between parents will not be long in coming. Revealing the lack of unity to the child will not be to the advantage of his education.
Therefore, the best thing to do is to establish rules in advance and not grant permissions or exceptions without consulting each other. In this way, the child will respect the authority of the parents and know that ‘divide and conquer’ is not a viable option.
2. Let go of the ego
Any attempt to establish yourself as the kindest, strictest, most responsible or permissive parent will end in a loss of authority over the child. In this relationship, both roles – father and mother – must be equal.
Furthermore, it is also advisable not to make important decisions without consulting your partner, nor to question your mistakes or abilities in front of the child.
3. Trust and patience
Remember that we all make mistakes and that no one was born knowing how to do everything. Much less when it comes to something as difficult as directing a child’s education.
Therefore, both members of the couple need to be patient and know how to constructively correct mistakes. We must look to the future instead of censoring the past. Likewise, a good deal of patience is also required. Every individual has good days and bad days, and that includes the child as well.
Therefore, love and tolerance must prevail in the home. No one does wrong ‘on purpose’, as mistakes are part of the inexorable personality and life experience of each person.
4. Agree on a rewards system
A good technique for being fair in dealing with the child and evaluating their actions is to establish a kind of ‘system’ to reward their good behavior.
In this way, we will prevent one of them from being ‘overly kind’ to the child and thus leaving the role of assuming an austere figure to the other. This, in fact, would damage the image of that person in front of the child.
5. Not looking for a culprit
A frequent mistake is to project the child’s misbehavior or faults onto the other. Phrases like “He doesn’t respect schedules because you let him sleep anytime” do nothing but encourage discrepancies between parents.
The child should not be blamed for everything either, least of all for disagreements between adults. When there is an error, it simply must be corrected, clarifying what happened so that it doesn’t happen again in the future. However, this must always be done, without a doubt, in a constructive and empathetic way.
Finally, never forget that both you and your partner, before you became parents, were also two people who were intimate and enjoyed time alone. So, don’t let responsibilities dominate you and erase this pleasure from your life. After all, keeping the flame burning is one of the pillars of family happiness.
