Most Frequent Affective Development Conflicts
During childhood, all children will experience one or more conflicts of affective development. This is normal, as they are part of your evolutionary development. However, if these conflicts are very frequent or extend over time, they can lead to certain pathologies.
Sometimes affective conflicts are associated with behavioral disorders. Among them: failure at school, difficulties in social relationships, eating or sleeping disorders… Therefore, it is important that, as a family, we pay attention to preventing, detecting and treating these affective conflicts in time.
Conflicts of affective development
The development of affectivity starts from the moment we are born. The affective bond created between mother and baby will significantly benefit the child’s social, affective and emotional development. The emotions and the way they are processed by the child will be the pillars of their personality.
Even so, all children will have one or more affective development conflicts during childhood. These conflicts are normal, as they are part of your evolutionary development. So, next, we’ll see which are the most frequent.
Tantrum
A tantrum is an immature way of expressing anger or frustration in the face of disagreement or discomfort. Temper episodes are normal from 12 months to three or four years.
They manifest themselves through anger, discontent or exaggerated crying. Furthermore, it is the form of communication that children present to express their unsatisfied desires or needs, as during this phase (12-36 months), they still do not know how to control their emotions.
Situations that cause tantrums in children
- Basic needs (hunger, thirst, sleep…) that we cannot satisfy at the moment.
- Need to discharge or release current or past tensions, fears or frustrations.
- The child understands that something is unfair or undeserved.
- Obligation to do something the child doesn’t want to do or not to do something they like.
It’s around the age of 2 that children discover the power of tantrums. If they arise and are answered instantly, the little ones will know that they have a tool to manipulate their parents’ emotions and thus achieve what they want. Therefore, it is not advisable to pay attention to tantrums motivated by the desire to attract attention or demand something.
Once they are calm, we should talk to them and make them understand that getting angry, crying or kicking is not a way to get what they want. It is important to set limits and not give in to their blackmail. Over time, they will understand that the correct path is dialogue and communication, not “showing off”.
However, if tantrums occur because of a basic need, such as sleep, hunger or fatigue, we should calm them down, calm them down, and hug them. We should act in the same way if we perceive that the child is afraid or frustrated about something. First, we have to connect with their emotions and then redirect the behavior and look for possible solutions.
Jealousy, one of the most frequent conflicts of affective development
Jealousy can be defined as an irrational reaction composed of sadness, loss of self-esteem and a feeling of envy towards another person. This is a normal evolutionary response to certain changes in the child’s environment.
It is not a situation that usually matters most if it is circumstantial and temporary. But if affect self-esteem, social and emotional relationships or exceeds five years, the jealousy can become a pathology.
Thus, jealousy can lead to behavioral problems such as aggression, insecurity or regression. It can also cause imbalances in interpersonal relationships, distrust, stubbornness or envy.
Generally, the main reason that children are jealous is the arrival of a new sibling. As a result, the child suffers. She feels that her emotional needs are not being met as before and that she has lost her exclusivity.
However, there are also other causes that can lead a child to fear and the feeling of losing parental affection. For example:
- Favors and preferences that parents sometimes show for one of their children.
- Excessive dependence on a parent on the part of the child.
- Feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.
To control and prevent jealousy, it is important that the family strengthens the child’s self-confidence and educates them in affection. It is also important to modify certain behaviors to prevent the child from feeling a loss of affection.
Regressions
Sometimes children’s habitual behavior changes. A child can regress in their learning, that is, lose skills in a habit that they had already acquired in previous stages. For example: go back to bed-wetting, talk more childishly, or ask for a pacifier again.
These behaviors appear around the age of 3 or 4 , and are normal and frequent when the child is faced with a recent change in their environment that causes stress. Thus, regressions act as a defense mechanism in the face of traumas, conflicts or affective maladjustments. So it’s important not to get angry. Regressions are fleeting. It is a phase in which the child seeks his/her emotional balance.
On the other hand, we must identify the causes that led to the regression. That way we can help the child. As a general guideline, we should never be angry with her, criticize her, or embarrass her for her behavior. It is convenient to show solidarity with the child, giving affection and dedicating more time to him.
Most common causes of regression
- Changes in child care routine: new caregiver or starting school.
- Mother’s pregnancy or birth of a new sibling.
- A significant illness of the child or a family member.
- The recent death of a family member.
- Family conflicts or parental divorce.
- A recent or future move to a new home.
fears
Fear is a normal emotion that is part of child development. It is an alarm system that helps the child to avoid potentially dangerous situations. The situations of fear that children experience vary according to the stage of their development.
So, with age, some fears lessen while others appear so that they can adapt to changes in the world around them. These age-associated fears tend to be transient and short-lived. However, in some children they can become chronic and pathological.
fears according to age
- During the first year, fears related to intense or unknown stimuli, such as loud noises and unknown people , are more frequent.
- Until the age of six, fears related to animals, storms, darkness, fantastic beings (such as witches or ghosts, for example), catastrophes and separation from parents are common.
- From the age of six onwards, the fear of physical injury, ridicule and, a little later, of illnesses and accidents, poor academic performance and disagreements between parents arises .
In general, physical fears (animals, storms, damage, etc.) decrease with age, while social fears (ridicule, rejection, public speaking, etc.) increase.
On the conflicts of affective development
If at any time the child presents any of these conflicts of affective development, we should think that this situation is normal. These conflicts are part of its development and, therefore, we must always act with affection and affection, as long as it is in a balanced way. After all, excessive and overprotective affection can harm your psychological development as much as lack of affection.
